Bringing you back to life
by mrsgeorgeweasley48
Summary: 2 years after the War has ended, Sirius Black is thrown from the veil, with no memories of his death or his missing time. Meanwhile, Hermione has disappeared, overcome with guilt and grief from the War. DH spoilers.
1. The Return

Chapter 1 – The Return

In the early hours of Thursday morning, the Department of Mysteries was silent. The rectangular room was bare and hollow, except for an archway mounted upon a single rock situated in the large crevice in the centre of the room. The archway stood, cracked and ancient, its black veil fluttering inexplicably in the seemingly quiet room. As the ragged veil continued to move, voices began to sound from the depth behind the archway. The voices started out as murmurs, barely audible whispers, then as the veil moved faster and faster, those whispers grew into shouts and screams until finally – silence.

A blinding flash of light filled the room, rendering sight impossible, and a man fell to the floor. The light disappeared and the room was left in silence, the veil still once more. The man scrambled, his long black hair falling into his piercing grey eyes as he did so. With his wand held ready to duel, he slowly took in his empty surrounding. Confusion clouded his eyes and he spun around, as if expecting to find somebody there. He continued to turn sharply, taking in the darkness, growing more and more bewildered. Eventually, the man gave up and sat down on the rock, examining the room a final time.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" said Sirus Black.


	2. The Explanation

Chapter 2 – The Explanation

The Minister for Magic entered the Ministry early on Thursday morning, holding a warm cup of Starbucks coffee in his hand.

'_Really quite ingenious these muggles' _he thought, smiling to himself. He began to hum to himself as he continued along the corridor leading to his office. He reached his door, and, glancing at the golden plaque that adorned it, opened the door and hurried inside. However, he could not have been prepared for the sight that greeted him inside, for Sirius Black was standing at his desk, ferreting through the mass of papers that covered it. At the sound of the door opening Sirius whipped around, his wand held up high and then relaxed it when he recognized the familiar face in front of him.

"Kingsley?! What are you doing here? Where are Harry, and Dumbledore and everyone?" he said anxiously. When Kingsley continued to look at him, in shock and bemusement, the look of confusion on Sirus' face turned to one of worry.

"Kings? The battle! What happened? Say something!" he said, growing more and more agitated and Kingsley merely stared at him.

Eventually, Kingsley took one deep breath, and skirted around Sirius to sit at his desk. He placed his coffee down next to some reports about enchanted hairdryers, and looked up at Sirius.

"Please sit down, Sirius. I think you should be seated for this." he said calmly, indicating to a squashy armchair that sat on the other side of his desk. Sirius looked at it warily, and took it.

"Right, would I be right in guessing that the last thing you remember is falling into the veil 4 years ago?" he continued. At this statement, Sirius' mouth fell open.

"W-What?! Four years ago?" he managed to splutter out.

"I'll take that as a yes" said Kingsley with a slight chuckle. "Yes it was four years ago. We were all sure you were dead. Maybe you were - as you can probably tell by its placing – the veil is a complete mystery. We only know it has something to do with time, and I would say that's accurate judging by your appearance."

"What?" asked Sirius, who had been contemplating Kingsley's words carefully. So he has been gone for four years. That meant Harry must be around 19 by now. He could only assume the War was either over seeing as none of the reports on Kingsley's desk contained anything about Voldemort or Death Eaters.

"Well, judging by your appearance, I'd say you're around 20. You look about the age you did before you went to…oh of course!" Kingsley exclaimed, slapping his forehead. Sirius looked even more puzzled at this point and simply looked at Kingsley, with one eyebrow raised questioningly.

"The veil! We know it has something to do with time, and righting wrongs. It must have given you back the years you spend wrongfully imprisoned. You're 22 again Sirius!"

Sirius looked like it was Christmas, his birthday and Easter Sunday all rolled into one.

"That's bloody brilliant!" he said, grinning broadly and standing up. Suddenly he remembered why he had sought out the Minister for Magic in the first place – answers.

"While that's all well and good, and certainly cause for celebration later, I need to know. What's happened? Is Harry ok? What about the war? And Remus…and Tonks, did they ever get together-"

Kingsley stopped Sirius by holding up his hand. Sirius sat down, silenced. A few minutes passed while Kingsley rubbed his bald, black head in thought and then looked at Sirius.

"This is going to take a while" he said. And it did. He told Sirius everything that had happened in the four years he had been gone. When his story reached the Battle of Hogwarts and the deaths of Fred, Remus and Tonks, Sirius let out a cry of grief and tears began to fall from his eyes. However, when Kingsley spoke of Harry's triumph over Voldemort, Sirius smiled and clapped his hands together, picturing the scene.

"…and Harry finally married Ginny, just last week in fact, and he and Ron work here in the Auror Department…and that's about it, I suppose" Kingsley concluded.

As Sirius processed all this information, a thought occurred to him.

"Hey – what about Hermione? You didn't mention her…" he trailed off as he noticed the look in Kingsleys face. Kingsley let out a single sigh.

--

The first few rays of sunlight began to gently awaken Hermione as she stirred from her slumber. She began to wake and a few moments later, she sat up and sleepily rubbed her eyes, feeling the make-up smudge down her face. She sat on the edge of her bed, as she held her head in her hands, wishing for her headache to go away. As she went to get a glass of water from the tiny sink in her bathroom, she cut her foot on a smashed bottle of some kind on the floor. She could not remember how it got there and nor did she care. Hermione didn't care much about anything anymore.

She stopped for a second at the pain coursing through her foot, and then carried on walking towards her bathroom. She flicked the light on and grabbed some toilet roll to stench the bleeding which stopped after a minute or two. She continued to stare at the fairly deep cut on her foot, and the rummaged through the cupboard for a plaster, which she placed over the cut. She stood up and walked over to her small sink, and grubby mirror above it. Not for the first time, she was shocked by what she saw.

A girl with a gaunt face and platinum blonde hair looked back at her. This girl was dangerously thin, and fragile. This girl wore underwear only, a plain black bra and knicker set, that made her look even worse when set next to her pale and milky skin. This girl had a look in her eye, a look of unfeeling and loss in her chocolate orbs. Hermione stared at this girl in the mirror and the girl stared back at her. Hermione could barely believe it was her but it had to be. Why else would the girl move when she did? Why else would the girl have the exactly same half moon battle scar around her belly button? Hermione recalled the time she got that scar, and, with a wave of guilt, looked defiantly back at the mirror.

'_This is what I am now' _she thought furiously '_This is what I deserve'_

HarryxPotterx4ever - Thanks so much for your review, this is my first fic and I'm really nervous! I'm going away tomorrow till Wednesday but I'll try to have the next chapter up by Thursday.


	3. The Welcoming

Chapter 3 – The Welcoming

"So…nobody's heard from her since the end of the War? She just took off?" He could hardly believe that, out of all the people involved in the war, Hermione had been the one who just couldn't cope. She had always seemed so reliable. He felt a wave of pity for Harry and Ron, who had already lost so much, and had now lost their best friend.

"Well she waited a week or two first, but yes. Harry told me that she seemed…different somehow. Distant. Then one morning, he came round to see her and she was gone. She must had left during the night. They've tried sending owls, but they just come back with no reply. Judging by the length of their journeys, we can assume she's somewhere in England. Obviously we've tried to search for her, but obviously she no longer has the trace and anywhere we've found someone that could be her – you know, arrived suddenly, alone, that sort of thing – we've found no trace of magic near it. And, of course, we can hardly go barging into muggles houses, not when the majority of our workers think that a nightgown is acceptable muggle wear!" said Kingsley

"Merlin." said Sirius quietly.

"Right Sirius. I shall inform Harry next, but I suggest that you stay here. Seeing you might just shock him a bit. I'll go to his house, he should still be there and I'll come back with him"

Sirius nodded and Kingsley left the room. Sirius just wanted to see Harry; he didn't care very much about the details. His mind was also still on Hermione. He was worried about her. Wherever she was, it was almost certain she was alone. He knew from experience, that too much time on your own wasn't good. He thought back to when he was on the run, and how close he had come to losing it all together. As well as this, he wondered what had made her run away. It must have been something big, but Kingsley hadn't mentioned anything particularly bad that had happened to her. He sighed to himself, thinking that the wear may be over, but the effects will take a much longer time to heal.

Sirius was absentmindedly examining himself in a mirror he had just conjured. He looked good, he thought. His hair was shoulder length, shaggy and dark, just as it had been when he was 22 and his stormy grey eyes had no wrinkles around them. He had none of the tattoos he had received in Azkaban, his teeth were shiny and white and his body seemed in good shape. He began to inspect his biceps, feeling the hard muscle beneath his shirt. He then ran his fingers over his stomach and found what felt like a toned stomach. He was in the middle of studying his behind with the mirror, when a loud cough drew his attention elsewhere. In the doorway stood Harry and Kingsley, looking at Sirius and trying – and failing – to contain their laughter. Sirius realized they had been watching him exploring his body the entire time. He let out a great bark of a laugh, and bounded towards Harry. When he reached him, he placed either hand on his shoulder and looked at Harry. He looked pretty much the same as when he was 15, except he was much taller and broader. Harry looked back at Sirius, a huge grin on his face. The two men embraced like brothers and when they finally broke apart, Kingsley stood with a small smile on his face, observing the two.

"I've missed you Sirius!" said Harry, his eyes brightly shining. Sirius smiled at him and turned to Kingsley.

"Is there any kind of forms or rubbish I need to sign or can I just go home…wherever I am actually going to live" said Sirius with a sudden worry. Where _was _he going to live?

"You'll stay with me and Ginny at Grimmauld Place until you get sorted" said Harry.

"And you can just go; I'll sort out any paperwork. Just don't talk to any reporters about what's happened." Kingsley said, and on this Harry and Sirius waved goodbye and left the room.

As they left the Ministry of Magic, they walked side by side chatting about little things, until Sirius finally voiced his question.

"Harry…what happened to Hermione? I mean Kingsley said she'd disappeared and that you didn't know why…" he trailed off at the look on Harry's face. Harry sighed and he stopped indicating to a nearby bench, where he and Sirius proceeded to sit.

"I really don't know Sirius" Harry began slowly "I mean, we all lost people in the war and we were all hurting…but it was over. And ever since the Battle of Hogwarts, Hermione was different. Me and Ron just thought it was shock or grief or something, but then she stopped contacting us. Every time we'd visit her, it was like she wasn't really there. She didn't even want to see Ron, and we all really thought they were going to get together after the War. He was devastated when he saw her, and she acted like a stranger to him. Then one day, I came to see her and she was passed out on her sofa, with bottles of wine on the floor. I felt so guilty that she'd really been struggling and I'd just been so busy with sorting things out for Teddy – Lupin's son- and getting Grimmauld Place ready that I didn't notice she was falling apart. She was my best friend and I didn't even know!"

"Harry…it's not your fault. I'm sure you did everything you could. Don't forget, she didn't ask for help at any point" said Sirius firmly, as tears began to cloud Harry's eyes. Harry nodded and continued with his story.

"After the wine incident, I talked to Ron and we decided to be there for her more and the next day, we went round to her hotel room, and she'd gone. Tom said, she'd packed her bags and left with no explanation. I miss her so much, she's like my sister. And I can't believe we let this happen. Ron wasn't the same for a long time after. He's moved on - he's dating Luna now – but he still misses her as a friend."

Sirius was silent for a few moments as he carefully considered Harry's words. According to what Kingsley and Harry said, they had tried everything to find her and they still hadn't. He decided that they would just have to wait and hope she contacted them.

"Alright Harry. Tell you what, I fancy a bit of time to myself to kind of…think about things. You know, since I just came back from the dead and all. I'll apparate to Grimmauld Place later, in a few hours or something"

"Okay, I'll see you later" said Harry with a smile and began to walk away. After a few steps however, he spun on his heel and face Sirius with a grim expression

"You should know Sirius…Kreacher is still alive" Harry said somberly. Sirius laughed.

"Oh bugger. Ah well, I can dream…" he replied with a grin, and lifted a hand to wave goodbye to Harry, who smiled to himself, and then turned on the spot, apparating away.

Sirius continued to walk on, stopping here and there to admire a shop window or a large building until he found himself in the middle of Muggle London. He found himself completely lost. He daren't apparate in the mass of muggles and any alleyways he spotted were also filled with shops and people.

_Brilliant Sirius!_ He thought to himself. _Only been back half a day, and already you've managed to get yourself lost._

Cursing under his breath, he spotted a red and white sign bearing the words 'Charlie's Cafe'. He decided to get some food and hopefully find somebody who could point him in the right direction. Besides, he was a bit hungry. Being dead for four years will do that to a man.

--

Hermione finally broke away from her staring contest with her reflection and began to wash her face, and get ready for another day. She crossed the small room, her tiny feet padding across the ancient carpet, the cut on her foot hurting with every step, wishing she didn't have to go to work today. She knew she had to. She couldn't lose this job, not after losing so many others by calling in sick, just so she could sit and home or just turning up late in the mornings after passing out drunk the night before. She needed to keep this flat, however horrible it was. She stopped in front of the tiny cupboard she used for a wardrobe and selected some black trousers and a black t-shirt that hung. She pulled them on, ignoring how loosely they hung on her skinny frame.

"Black to match my mood…just like every other day" she said to herself with a humourless laugh.

She didn't bother with make-up and she merely dragged a brush through her hair. She picked up her name tag that said: 'Hi! I'm Jane and welcome to Charlie's Cafe'


	4. The Surprise

Chapter 4 – The Surprise

Sirius pushed open the glass door to the café, and walked inside admiring his surroundings. The café was reasonably sized, its walls were painted white and the majority of the hardwood floor was covered with white tables and red chairs. The back had a long table running down it, with a couple of people sitting on red stools drinking cups of coffee and reading today's paper. He could make out a couple of stationary photographs on them, and thought it funny how odd they looked, each one completely still.

The whole place reminded him of an American diner he had seen in a muggle movie one time. He smiled to himself when his memory cast back to the time he had discovered muggle cinema, and dragged Remus along to come see films with him. He could still remember Remus shaking his head and laughing as Sirius practically skipped along, his popcorn in one hand and a huge glass full of what was basically blue ice. Sirius had no idea what it was, or what it tasted like – all he knew was he had to have it. A sinking feeling erupted somewhere inside him and he realized that Remus would never laugh at the stupid things he did again. He had lost his final friend from Hogwarts, and only he remained of the marauders.

He hurried over to a seat by the window and sat down, his gaze cast onto the bustling streets filled with people laden with shopping bags or talking on those mobile telly-phone things Harry once told him about that he didn't quite understand. He picked up the bright red laminated menu and read its contents, just to have something to do. He really was hungry. He decided to order a huge cooked breakfast, and some coffee. He looked up, scanning the room for a waitress and he caught the eye of a tall black haired girl who appeared talking sternly to a very skinny, very small blonde girl who had her back to Sirius. When the black girl had finished talking, she rushed over, reaching for her pad from her red apron along the way.

"Good morning! What can I get you?" she said in an overly cheerful and obviously fake voice.

"Hello…" he said, his eyes moving to find her nametag which said "Hi! I'm Amanda and welcome to Charlie's Café. "…Amanda. Can I get the full English with some black coffee please?"

"Certainly, the breakfast will be about 10 minutes but I'll have Jane bring your coffee over right away" she said indicating to the blonde girl, who now stood tapping her pen on the table top. Sirius nodded at the waitress and she swiftly turned and walked away.

He watched as she returned to the blonde girl or Jane as she was apparently called and gestured emphatically towards Sirius. The girl picked up the jug of coffee and poured in into one of those ridiculously tiny white china cups, that you can only get in café's like these and began walking towards Sirius, a hollow expression on her face. As she approached him, Sirius looked at her and noticed that there was something very familiar about her face. He couldn't put his finger on it but he was sure he knew this girl. She reached his table and placed his coffee down. He saw that she was skinnier that he had first thought, she didn't look fed properly. She was always pale, very pale and even though she attempted to smile at Sirius, there was something not right about it. The smile didn't reach her eyes as if she had forgotten what it was like to actually be happy. Her hair was bright blonde and curly, obviously not natural as he could see a hint of dark coming through at her roots. Suddenly, the girl's eyes widened and backed away slowly, untying her apron as she did and then everything clicked into place.

"Hermione?!" he said loudly. Hermione froze with her hand still on the door handle. She turned to him biting her lip.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about" she said as she turned around and walked out. Sirius watched her through the glass window as she began to run before deciding to follow her.

--

Hermione knew she hadn't convinced him, but she had to say something to slow him down a few seconds so she could get away. She knew she had been stupid coming this close to Harry and Ron; she should have stayed in North Wales and not come back to London. She knew something like this would eventually happen, her café was too near to The Leaky Cauldron but she just had to come for a glimpse. She had missed them so much; she just needed to see their faces, to know they were ok. After working so hard to get away from them and her old life and everything that she used to be, it had taken one chance meeting to ruin it all. And with Sirius Black of all people? For starters, he was dead. She stopped in her tracks, and leaned against the wall contemplating the events of the past 10 minutes. A dead man had just found her. A dead man who was mysteriously 20 years younger. This did not make sense at all. It was possibly the most ridiculous way she could have found the magical world again, and definitely the most unlikely person she thought would find her. She saw him out of the corner of her eye, and started to walk quickly away down the street. She found herself in the centre of a tour group, the leader of which was pointed at some old cathedral and talking animatedly to the rest of the group, who quite frankly looked very bored. She didn't bother excusing herself and pushed past the people who tutted after her rude actions with the occasional "Well honestly!"

But he was still hot on her tails and within a minute, he had caught up with her and roughly pulled her to the side. She gave a cry of protest and began to wriggle free until she caught the blazing look in his eyes.

"Hermione, what are you playing at?" he said fiercely. "And don't bother saying you don't know what I mean, 'cos I know damn well that's it's you!"

She looked at Sirius, his newly youthful face and felt his arm still gripping her arm tightly. She knew he was not going to give and she decided to just this once, allow herself to be weak again.

"Fine Sirius, but not here. Come back to my flat." He nodded curtly and loosened his grip on her arm, but did not let go. He pointed to an empty ally way across the road with his free hand and looked at her expectantly as she sighed and continued to walk on, dragging Sirius behind her who now looked confused.

"Er…Hermione – aren't we apparating?" he said uncertainly.

"No" she replied simply. He let go of her arm and they continued to walk side by side, with Sirius occasionally shooting glances at her, as if expecting her to run away when he wasn't looking. She could hardly blame him for not trusting her. After all, running away was what she had been doing for the past two years.

--

Sirius continued to walk alongside Hermione. He couldn't believe he'd found her after half a day, when everybody else had been looking for two years! _She can't have been here all the time_ he thought. It would have been too easy for her to run into Harry or Ron. She must have just recently come here. Sirius also wondered why she wasn't apparating them to her flat? She must have a muggle room mate who didn't know or something like that.

After a few more minutes of walking in silence, they reached a rundown hotel in which Hermione turned into. Hermione Granger couldn't live here? In this scruffy building, in this seedy neighbourhood? Sirius was shocked as she pushed open the door and walked inside. The inside of the building was even worse that the outside. The peeling wallpaper on the wall looked older than Sirius himself, and the carpet was so dirty that its colour was indistinguishable.

Hermione led Sirius up a flight of stairs that looked like they could break under too much weight and finally stopped outside a battered looking door, with many cracks in the wood and a cheap looking metal number 6 hanging from it. She used a second key to open this door. This key business threw him off as well – since when did a witch or wizard need keys? For Hermione, a simple locking charm should have been a breeze. Sirius realized that there was definitely something weird going on.

As the door opened, Sirius was greeted with a strange sight. The flat had a sofa, a bed, a cupboard and the usual kitchen appliances. No more. No personal items - no cushions, or pictures or even books. He raised an eyebrow at Hermione before entering the dingy flat. Inside he could examine the flat more closely. It had bare walls, a beaten looking hardwood floor and he was sure he could spot some alcohol bottles by the side of her bed. It was very empty. From what he could see of the kitchen, it was no better. The sinks were cracked and white, with pots piled up by the side.

"It's not much, but it's really all I can afford" she said after noticing Sirius' look. She followed him, but remained standing as he sat on the corner of the ancient sofa. "I'll get you some coffee since you never really did get to drink yours – "

"No, it's alright Hermione" said Sirius with a wave of his hand. "Just sit down, and tell me what's going on?"

--

She looked at Sirius "What do you want to know?" she said, her voice monotone.

"Why don't you start with why you're living in this horrible place? What are doing here? Why aren't you using magic?" he asked

"I've already answered the first one, I can't afford anything better." She replied

"Answer my other questions. Why are you here? Do you have any idea what Harry and Ron are going through, not knowing where the hell you are or how to contact you?!" he demanded, his voice beginning to display the anger in his eyes.

She walked over to a cabinet that stood against the shabby wall. She felt ashamed of herself, she knew she would make Harry and Ron worry about her and she shut her eyes tight to prevent the tears from coming. She knew she would cause them even more heartache but she couldn't help it. She didn't answer Sirius because she was afraid of what she might say, afraid that she might accidentally let out the secret guilt that was tearing her up inside. She needed to get away from magic and people that she loved in case she made another dreadful mistake. The day Harry found her passed out; she knew that she had to leave. So she had snapped her wand and packed her bags and left to begin her new life

She could feel his frustration building and she could feel his eyes on her. She wondered why she had ever brought him back here; she had been stupid to think she could just have the company without the relentless interrogation. She continued to stare at the wall, her eyes fixated on one crack in the plaster.

"Hermione! Damn it woman!" he practically shouted. She knew she couldn't answer but it had been so long since anybody had actually continued to ask these questions once she didn't answer. She had traveled from place to place, never staying too long to make any friends and not revealing her real name or why she was there. Yes, people had asked her why she arrived with no explanation and a tiny bag of clothes but she never did answer and normally, they didn't bother to ask again. Yes, people had tried to reach out to her. Good, kind people who genuinely wanted to help her but she slipped away. She didn't deserve these nice people. She didn't deserve to forget what she had done. Another careless mistake and they would be gone too just like…

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she turned around to face Sirius. She now saw that he stood, his expression turning from one of anger, to one of sympathy as he noticed the tears running down her face. She looked deep into his eyes, and brought her hands up to her face. She sobbed openly, her face buried in her palms and she began to fall to the floor. Sirius forgot everything, and immediately rushed over and caught her in his strong arms. He gently carried her to the bed and lay her down on it. He went to move away, to stay on the sofa possibly, but her dainty hand clutched at his shirt and pulled him down onto the bed with her. He lay beside her, stroking her hair and holding her close. This was all she needed right now, just somebody there to get her through the night. She would sort everything out in the morning. She would have to tell him what happened…

Flashback

It was the midst of the Battle of Hogwarts. The walls were shaking and dust fell with each new enemy brought in to fight. Hermione was dueling a Death Eater that she did not know the name of. Every hex she threw at him he dodged, and every curse only slowed him down for a second. She had no idea what to do, she was in an unfamiliar part of the castle and there was nobody around. The majority of the fighting was now taking place in the grounds, but this Death Eater had kept her back here and cornered her. She was terrified. The Death Eater cast his spell which threw her into the wall, injuring her back and causing her to drop her wand. As she lay on the floor, the breath knocked out of her, gasping for air, he approached her. He kicked her in the face, causing a long gash to appear in her cheek.

"Sectusempra!" he snarled, aiming his wand at her stomach and causing a deep half moon cut to appear there. She cried out at the pain and felt the warm blood trickling down her. She found her wand in some rubble and got to her feet painfully. She looked at the Death Eater and he stared back at her, his eyes taunting her. She was sure she was going to die. She was more scared than she'd ever been in her life

"Come on girlie, no more of these pathetic curses. Show me what you got!" he laughed at her, dancing around her as she stood breathing heavily. She saw him out the corner of her eye, he was on her left.

She turned around and cried "Avada Kedavra!" His eyes widened with shock as he fell, she watched the light leave his eyes. She crouched over his body as she observed what she had done. She knew it was an unforgivable, but she also knew it was necessary. These men did not deserve to live. All of a sudden, she heard somebody behind her. She heard their breathing. She whipped around and aimed her wand

"Avada Kedavra!" she screamed but then she realized. The moment the beam left her wand, she knew it was not a Death Eater. She gasped in horror and the curse headed towards a tiny boy. Colin Creevy's eyes displayed his fear as the light hit him and he fell backwards, moving no more. Hermione was horrified. She couldn't believe what she had just done. She tried to convince herself it was the middle of battle, it was not her fault but she knew. She knew at this exact moment that she was not to be trusted around magic. So she ran away. And she had been running away ever since.

End flashback

Things really start to get going from now on and the chapters will be longer like this one. I know its very out of character for Hermione to cast a curse without checking first, but remember, she had just been through a long and horrible duel and she made a terrible mistake. Hopefully this should satisfy you for answers untill the next chapter!


	5. The Confession

Chapter 5 – The Confession

Sirius held onto Hermione as she continued to sob in his arms. He was more bewildered than ever now and he wondered what had happened to her to change her so much, what had broken her spirit. He had to know. He sat up straight and focused at her tearstained face as she looked back at him.

"Hermione…talk to me. I'm sorry I shouted, it's just…it's so frustrating. Missing four years of my life, and of Harry's and now coming back to find everything different. But I shouldn't have taken it out on you, and I'm really sorry. But you need to let me help you, can't you see?! Living like this, barely eating, obviously drinking a lot – don't you realize? You're wasting away!" he said, his voice thick with emotion.

Hermione carefully studied her hands as if they were suddenly fascinating. Sirius continued to stare at her. He would find out just what the hell had caused all this. He wasn't leaving till he had an answer, and he knew that she knew it too.

"You're killing yourself Hermione" he finished. At this she let out an empty laugh.

"Sirius…I died a long time ago" she said quietly.

"I can see that! You need to let somebody in! You're not alone, don't pretend to be. I will not lose another person to this war!" he retorted. She climbed off the bed and paced the room, stopping in the doorway and stood there, and brushed the wild curls out of her face. Sirius noted that fact that whatever she did, she would never manage to tame that mane.

"Why?" she cried suddenly. "I've took care of myself for two years and I'm doing perfectly well thank you! Why should I burden other people with my troubles? They don't need it and what good does it do them? It won't take it back!"

Sirius stood up to face her. "You're doing well? You think you're doing well? God Hermione, you were supposed to be clever!" he said, his voice disbelieving and showing the growing frustration he felt.

"That's right, old bookworm Hermione. Never a foot out of line. If I was so bloody clever, then I would have known! I wouldn't have killed him!" Her eyes widened in shock, and her hand flew to her mouth as if to prevent anymore accidental revelations.

Sirius gaped at her. _Killed?_ he thought. Whatever answer he had been expecting, it hadn't been this. He was sure Hermione hadn't meant to kill whoever she had, and that she was most likely punishing herself unduly. He knew what she was going through however. He had felt so much guilt when he learnt about James and Lily. He was sure it was his fault and it almost destroyed him in Azkaban. The only thing that kept him going the thought that one day he would find Harry, and give him the father he would never have. He remembered how he had wished there had been somebody there to help it. Instead of it taking him 12 years to realize, and start to plan his escape. He knew that he didn't want to see Hermione go through the same thing and lose 12 years of her life. After all, she was around the same age as him now.

He watched as she began to wring her hands together, muttering under her breath. He caught words like "stupid" and "why" and he strode across the bedroom to stand in front of her. Her head hung low, her chin gently pressed against her neck. Sirius took her hands in his and she looked up at him, her brown eyes meeting his grey ones.

"Hermione" he started softly. "I don't know what happened, and I would like to you to tell me when you're ready, but, believe me, I know what you're going through and I want to help you. Now, I don't know exactly what went down but I am willing to bet my life that it was either and accident or completely necessary for some reason. And I'm not going to let you disappear because of it."

He recognized the look in her eyes. It was the same one he knew that his had displayed the moment Harry said he believed him, that night in the Shrieking Shack so many years ago. It was the look of most sincere gratitude, that somebody out there was giving him a break. A glimmer light at the end of a very dark, very long tunnel.

--

Hermione couldn't even begin to describe the feeling in her heart right now. Sure, people had tried to reached out to her before, tried to get her to open up but anytime she'd come close, she'd remember, make some excuse then pack her bags and run away again. Yet, somehow, she knew that this was where she was meant to be right now. She couldn't explain it, she felt like she was home for the first time in 2 years.

She nodded slowly before walking over to her sofa and sitting down. Sirius followed and sat down also. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Sirius broke it.

"Er…cup of tea?" he asked awkwardly

"Do you know how to make a cup the muggle way?" she enquired "Because you can't use magic on any of the things here, they don't belong to me and will probably end up back in the hands of muggles"

"Um…I'm sure I'll figure it out" he said with a grimace. "Why aren't you using magic?"

Hermione sighed. She hadn't used magic in two years, she did miss it sometimes but it was better this way. She realized Sirius was still looking at her questioningly and decided to answer with the trust for once.

"Because I don't trust myself" she whispered, but she knew he had heard her because he raised an eyebrow at her answer. However, he appeared to decide that now was not the time to press the matter, and he turned and walked into the kitchen.

Hermione remained where she was sitting, contemplating what had just happened. It was hard to explain or even define to herself, but she felt lighter somehow. As if, just by telling somebody, she had lifted a huge weight of her shoulders. She had kept it buried inside so long. She had considered confiding in Harry after the War, but Harry was so busy with Ginny and sorting out the arrangements for Teddy that it just weighed more and more heavily on her mind as time went on. He visited her of course, but by this time she had already sunk into a deep state of depression, and began drinking heavily, not even waiting for daylight sometimes. She recalled many times when she had woken up to darkness, her cheeks imprinted with the indentation of her cushion pattern and an empty bottle in her hand. He had even caught her one time, and she knew then that she needed to leave before she dragged everybody else down with her. They would be better off without her messing things up.

She considered telling Ron as well, but things had become bad enough between them. Their shared kiss during the Battle had been the result of high-running emotions, with the added worry that they might die that night. She knew it had meant more to him though, he had liked her for years, and she couldn't bear to reject him after he had lost Fred so she simply ignored him when he came to visit and on the times she had to see him, she remained distant and barely spoke to him. She knew he was over her now, she had seen him with Luna while she had been watching him and Harry. It only confirmed her suspicions that he and Harry were happier without her.

She had begun using magic less and less after the Battle. It started with simply cutting down on the unnecessary charms, such as charming the kettle to replenish itself, while she could easily fill it and boil it the normal way. Then she stopped taking it out with her, leaving it in the house most times she left it. It felt better to her, to know that she had no way of hurting anybody. Then one particularly drunken night, after a bottle of wine or two, she had simply sat down, her wand in her hands, staring at it. This was the thing that killed him. It was this things fault. She had felt a tear trickle down her face and in a fit of rage, she snapped it in half. It had felt exhilarating to do, she had felt the power leave it and when it was all gone, she had thrown the two broken pieces into her crackling fire, feeling disgusted by the piece of wood.

Nobody really seemed to notice. Everybody was so distracted with arranging and attending funerals that nobody really seemed to notice that Hermione was slowly retreating. She knew it wasn't their fault deep down, because after all, they had no idea that she had killed Colin. How could they? She had many opportunities to tell them. Anytime she could have gone over and said something to any of them. But the fear of what they might say had stopped her. The fear of what look they might hold in their eyes at the sight of her from that moment on. She knew that if she had told them, they wouldn't be able to look at her without thinking _murderer._

She shook her head to snap herself out of her memories and remembered Sirius. He had been gone for quite a while making this cup of tea. Suddenly she heard banging and swearing from her kitchen, and she leapt up from her seat.

"Sirius?" she called into the room, as she gingerly approached the door. She reached out with a bony hand and opened it. Inside, she was greeted with one of the strangest sights she had ever seen – and that was including Fluffy!

Sirius stood on her battered chair, searching on the top of her worn cupboards, his hand feeling around the top and a look of deep concentration on his face. He hadn't noticed her approach and he was muttering to himself "Damn it, this can't be right!" In his free hand, he held her chipped china jar that held her teabags, and he was holding it with an oven glove. Also…steam appeared to rising from it…

She realized with a surge of amusement, that Sirius had boiled the water and poured it straight into the jar containing her teabags. She felt her lips stretch into an unfamiliar expression. A smile. She cleared her throat loudly and Sirius' caught sight of her. He climbed down and off his chair and turned to Hermione with a pout on his lips.

"I don't get it! Why doesn't it look right? It says 'TEA' on it" he whined, pointed to the cracked navy blue letters printed on the cream background. She simply watched him as he hopefully stirred the lumpy contents with the handle of a spatula. A look of realization crossed his face, and he looked back and forth from the jar to Hermione, carefully considering the situation.

"This is the teapot…right?" he said hesitantly. Hermione looked at the black, watery mess he had made and, after a beat, she burst out laughing. He looked hurt as she continued to howl with laughter at the sight of Sirius in front of her. She slid down the wall, until she reached the stone floor. After a few moments, Sirius let out a chuckle, which quickly grew as he sat down next to her on the floor, placing the steaming jar in front of them, and they both sat there laughing like this 'cup of tea' was the only thing in the world right now. Hermione wiped a tear of laughter away from her face and rested her head on Sirius' shoulder, her hair acting as a silky pillow for her soft skin. Sirius put his arm around her and there they stayed, not needing words. The laughter was enough for both of them for a while.


	6. The Hope

Chapter 6 – The Hope

After the final giggle had escaped from Hermione's lips, the pair fell into a silence much more comfortable that the previous one. The laughter had done a little bit to fill the hole inside that she had had since she run away. Just seeing Sirius had reminded her of everything she had lost when she left. She had wondered every night, how different things might have been if she had stayed and tried to work things out. She had been positive that everybody would treat her with disgust, but now she wasn't so sure. This ordinary day had turned into one of the best in two years, because something had changed in the past hour since she saw Sirius. Somehow, the deadness she had felt inside had shifted slightly. A small bit of hope had ignited inside her, and she felt different. As if she could come back from this. She had been lost for two years, and now she felt that she could find herself again. She looked over at Sirius who was playing absentmindedly with his wand, creating puffs of coloured smoke and sparks. She had thought it would seem strange to her after so long, but she silently noted how normal it seemed to her.

"That's the first time I've seen magic in two years" she said partially to herself, and looked up at Sirius with a wistful smile. Sirius turned his head to look back at her. He glanced down at his wand and handed it to Hermione expectantly. She stared at it in his hand and a look of worry crossed her face. Fear coursed through her body as she was confronted with the means to do magic again. She shifted in her seat and got up quickly, walking over to the counter whilst Sirius remained on the floor a look of confusion on his face.

"How about a proper cup of tea?" she said. She wanted to get off the subject of magic. She didn't know if she was ready to come clean completely yet. She couldn't tell him how young the victim of her mistake was. He was the first person to not give up on her when she wouldn't tell. She didn't want him to go yet. Sirius seemed to decide not to press the subject again, and pointedly placed his wand back in the pocket of his jeans. Sirius got up, using his hands to push himself off the floor.

"Yeah sure" he said smiling, but Hermione didn't look at him and instead busied herself with filling the kettle. Sirius shrugged to himself and walked back into the lounge.

A few minutes later, Hermione joined him with a kettle and two mismatched mugs and they sat drinking proper tea.

"Sorry there're no biscuits" she said with a dry smile. "I don't entertain often"

"I still say mine was better" said Sirius. Hermione smiled in memory of it.

"You know, that's the first time I'm truly laughed in years" she said, causing Sirius to let out a noise of surprise, which he almost instantly disguised as a cough.

"It must be my presence – I'm simply hilarious" he quipped. Hermione let out a chuckle whilst thinking _he's actually right. _Suddenly, Hermione remembered what she needed to ask him.

"Tell me something, Sirius" she said. At this, he looked up from his cup.

"Yeah?" he replied. Hermione pondered for a minute how she should word this, and considering and shooting down a few suggestions in her mind, she decided to go for the direct approach.

"Why aren't you…dead?" she asked. Sirius let out a bark of laughter at this and looked her straight in the eyes.

"I have no idea myself, love. I remember fighting Bellatrix the bitch, and then I fell through that veil thing. Next thing I know, I'm on my arse and everybody's disappeared and I've apparently been dead for four years. Kings said that he's no idea why I'm back and he sent for Harry – "

"How is he?" Hermione interrupted before she could stop herself. Sirius raised an eyebrow before replying.

"If you wanna find out, you're gonna have to talk to him yourself." He said without hesitation. Hermione's face fell at this, and

"While I understand you're actions, I don't agree with them. You should have talked to Harry"

Hermione ignored this and continued to drink her tea, whilst Sirius cast another look round her flat, unable to stop his nose wrinkling in disgust. Hermione ignored this as well. She knew she lived in a horrible place, but when she had arrived last month, her bags in hand and no clue where to go, this had been the only place available. It had seemed rather fitting to her, she didn't feel that she deserved to live in a nice place.

The two finished their tea in silence. Hermione didn't know what would happen now. She had expected him to run for the hills when she let slip her secret, but instead he had stayed and told her it wasn't her fault when he didn't even know what happened. She was deep in thought, when Sirius spoke up.

"Hermione…" he said, and she looked up at him questioningly. "I'm gonna have to go home soon. Harry will be wondering where I am"

A wave of disappointment crashed over her as he spoke. Of course, she had expected him to leave but it would still hurt when he did. However, as though reading her thoughts, Sirius interrupted them once more.

"I'll be back tomorrow" he said. Hermione smiled sadly to herself. She doubted this. She knew he would forget all about her, and she would be alone again.

"You don't have to bother. I mean, there's no need -" Hermione didn't understand why she was saying these things. Of course she wanted him to come back tomorrow, but her brain didn't appear to be connected to her mouth at all. Sirius interrupted her babbling by walking over and holding her shoulders gently. He bent down so his head was level with hers and look her straight in the eyes.

"I'll be back tomorrow" he said again, more forcefully this time. Hermione saw the sincerity in his eyes and knew, completely without a doubt, that he was telling the truth.

"Okay" she said looking back into his eyes and seeing nothing but kindness there. He smiled at her, and she felt a slight fluttering in the pit of her stomach. She dismissed it quickly, putting it down to the shock of the situation and the day's events.

Sirius let go of her shoulders and as he prepared to leave, a thought crossed her mind. Before Sirius could apparate away, she stopped him, leaving him standing there looking at her waiting.

"Don't tell anybody you saw me…please?" she added, seeing the dubious look on his face. He looked as though he was considering this question carefully, and looking at the pleading look on Hermione's face, he sighed and nodded in response. Hermione stepped back, and with a final look at her, Sirius turned on the spot leaving Hermione alone once more.

--

As Sirius arrived at Grimmauld Place with a loud _crack_, he stopped for a minute as he allowed the events of the past few hours to properly sink in. He could scarcely believe what he had discovered. Hermione, the most level headed of the trio, had confessed to killing somebody. Whilst Sirius knew that it could not have been in cold blood, or on purpose, the thought of the matter still shocked him. He had no idea what he would tell Harry; he didn't want to lie to him, but he knew he must. Hermione had trusted him. He had no idea why she had done this, maybe she had just needed to tell somebody, and he had been there but still, she had trusted him with something that she couldn't tell anybody else – not even her best friends. He wasn't about to betray her trust.

"Sirius?"

Sirius started as Harry's voice shook him out of his thoughts, and he turned around to see his Godson looking at him from the doorway.

"You alright?" he asked when Sirius didn't answer.

"Huh? Oh – hey Harry. Yeah I'm fine. Starving though!" he replied, realizing how true this actually was. He had barely taken a sip of his coffee before he had recognized Hermione and begun to chase her and his hunger had understandably been forgotten once he caught up with her.

Harry grinned at Sirius.

"Help yourself" he said indicating to the various wooden cupboards decorating the walls. Sirius stared at him blankly and gingerly opened the nearest cupboard, carefully observing its contents. Harry shook his head and pushed Sirius out of the way, before getting out his wand.

"Sit!" said Harry, pointed to a chair. Sirius sat down, pouting. _I really should learn to cook one day _he thought_ it seems all I do is make people laugh when I get in a kitchen_

By the time Sirius and Harry sat down to steaming onion soup, the sky outside was beginning to darken. He took a taste of his soup, and marveled at his Godsons cooking abilities.

"Blimey Harry, when did you get so responsible?" he asked, as he continued to eat. Harry laughed.

"Possibly around the time I had to defeat the darkest wizard of all time?" he countered, his face deadpanned.

"That would do it, I suppose" he said grinning, despite attempting to keep a straight face. He had never been good at that, even when it had been of vital importance – such as avoiding suspicion after one of their pranks at school. It was Sirius' fits of laughter that got them caught out nearly every time.

"So what did you get up to once I left you?" asked Harry, causing Sirius to choke on a mouthful of soup, panicking as Harry looked at him strangely, clearly wondering why such a simple question had affected Sirius so.

"Uh…just walking around – thinking and that, you know?" Sirius said quickly. Thankfully a distraction came in the form of a door opening.

"I'm home!" called a female voice causing Harry to smile a lovesick smile, reminding Sirius so much of James whenever Lily came near to them at school.

"In here Ginny" Harry called out, and a few moments later Ginny appeared in the doorway. She walked over and gave Harry a peck on the lips. She pulled up the chair next to him, and sat down, holding his hand in her own. She looked across the table at Sirius, a confused expression on her face.

"Who's your…Sirius?!" she asked, staring at Sirius, and looking back to Harry, her eyes wide with shock.

"Ah…yes. That" Harry said slowly, as Ginny's eyes narrowed at him.

"Harry James Potter!" she screeched, smacking Harry in the chest, causing him to wince in pain. "You had better tell me what your 'supposedly dead' Godfather is doing here right now or I swear to Merlin, I will set Hagrid's new Blast-Ended Skrewts on you!"

Harry, who had been rubbing his chest where Ginny had smacked him up until this point, suddenly recoiled in fear at mention of the Blast-Ended Skrewts.

"You wouldn't dare – " he said in a hushed tone and stopped once he noticed the glare Ginny was directing at him. Sirius bit back his laughter at the pair's conversation – they now reminded him even more of James and Lily, as Lily had frequently threatened James with various hexes, curses or creatures. Deciding to not help his Godson, and trusting his new wife not to hurt him to much, he got up from his chair.

"I'll leave you too it" he said, looking into Harry's pleading eyes, with an evil glint in his own. Harry shot Sirius a look that clearly said 'You'll pay for this', to which Sirius grinned in reply.

The moment he exited the kitchen, he heard Ginny's yells and Harry's attempts to calm her down and explain. He chuckled to himself, imagining what his Godson might look like when he next saw him. He had frequently heard about Ginny's infamous Bat Bogey Hex from Fred and George - he stopped in the middle of climbing the stairs up to his bedroom. It was only George now. As he continued along his path, he felt a wave of sadness thinking about all the funerals he had not been there to attend, and all the people who had lost loved ones. It had almost killed Sirius to lose James who had been like a brother to him. He could imagine recovering from losing your twin, especially twins as close as they had been.

"I'll never get used to this" he muttered to himself.

Sirius reached his bedroom and ran his fingers over the gold plate, tracing the outline of the letters, before opening the door. He thankfully saw that it was as exactly how he had left it. He walked around, casting a charm here and there to rid it of dust and dirt. He smiled despite himself as he remembered the look on his mothers face when she walked in, and saw his bedroom covered with Gryffindor posters.

He quickly undressed and got into bed not caring how early it was. He was exhausted, and considering the day he had experienced, it wasn't surprising. As he lay in the darkness, his thoughts once again returned to Hermione. He briefly wondered if she was okay, and what he was going to say when he returned to her tomorrow before he closed his eyes, and was carried off into sleep.

--

After Sirius had apparated away, Hermione stood for a few minutes staring at the spot where he had been, wondering whether he had actually been there or if she had just imagined him the entire time. She knew he had actually been there however, because even if she didn't trust her own eyesight, she couldn't doubt the small bit of hope the sight of somebody from her past had inspired.

She wandered back into her kitchen, smiling at the mess Sirius had made. She didn't tidy it up. She needed it to stay there, as proof. She had laughed, she had smiled. She was something other than dead.

She didn't bother returning to work. She had hated working there. Amanda, her boss, was always trying to make her smile cheerily to the customers and use a fake 'happy' voice. A shift there was enough to make her want to drink even more than she already did. She tried to make herself a sandwich, knowing that she should eat something even if she didn't want to. She knew she was getting dangerously thin, but the trouble was, even when she did eat, she still felt hollow.

She made herself a sandwich, and sat down in her flat. As she ate, she thought it strange how company had made her flat seem emptier. Having the company of Sirius, even for a few hours, made her yearn for her friends even more than she had thought possible. She continued to think about what would happen if she went back to them. Would they even want her back after she left them, with no contact for two years? And even if they did open her back with open arms, what would happen when she explained why she left? All these questions buzzed through her mind, and she picked up a book of the floor and began to read it, just for something to do. However, she couldn't concentrate on it no matter how hard she tried, for images of Sirius and Harry and Ron continued to swarm through her mind until she couldn't take it anymore. She slammed the book shut with a sigh and noticed that it was getting dark out.

She decided to attempt to sleep, even though her sleep was troubled at best. It didn't help that she was naturally an early riser, and so even if she lay awake till five am, she would wake promptly at around 7, and couldn't get back to sleep despite all her best efforts. She stripped off her clothes, and climbed into bed, the events of the day still swimming through her mind. It was only now that she remembered Sirius' promise to return tomorrow. If it were any other person, she wouldn't believe them but something about Sirius made her trust him. She couldn't put her finger on why, but she knew she trusted him with her life. She let out a yawn, and to her great surprise, she felt herself drifting off to sleep, her mind still on Sirius.

I wanted to thank everybody who reviewed! I really appriciate them, and it inspires me to write more. Thank you :)


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